Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
