How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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