I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I need a beard to bite.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
