just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize