you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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