Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
