If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
