I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
