I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
