I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
