I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
