all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
