you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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