I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
