I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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