It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
