btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
