That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
