i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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