Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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