I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need water and some morals
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