went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
