Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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