Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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