just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
