I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize