I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
