idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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