It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
