the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
