This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize