So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
