i think my tv is drunk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
