You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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