i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
