I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
