my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
