I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
