working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
