that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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