Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
