It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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