I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
