Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
