Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
