Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
