wakey wakey hands off snakey
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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