Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
