just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
