Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
