Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
