hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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