You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
