I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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