Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Let's paint friendship bongs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
