things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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