I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
