You were right. It hurts to walk today.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
