I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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