i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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