apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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