Me. At least after what I've been through.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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