What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
