I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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