I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
