Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
