I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
