dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
