i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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