I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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