I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
