Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
